Saturday, January 31, 2009

How to Get a Husband Where You Want him To Be

Someone asked on an ebay board about how to get her husband to go to the Doctor which she thought he needed to do. And he'd already refused, repeatedly. Now we have a husband in Tn who won't go to the ER after a car accident so I thought I'd share a method my mother perfected. She never really had to use it cause the threat of it was enough to make most people do whatever you were asking them politely to do.

Follow the steps:
1. Buy several rolls of duct tape and a handtruck.
2. Wait until the person is sleeping.
3. Put duct tape around their ankles so they can't run.
4. Put duct tape around the hands so they can't escape and run
5. Put Duct tape over their mouth so you don't have to listen to their whining and moaning about "why are you doing this to me"?
6. Stand them upright on the handtruck. This might take manuevering but YOU can do it, I know you can. Do not put them on the handtruck in a headdown position,no matter how severely tempted you might be. Two reasons - Puke and Balance. They will puke and they will be hard to keep balanced as most people's heads are not flat on top. There are some exceptions but it's not worth chancing.
7. Duct tape them to the handtruck.
8. Now if the doctor or hospital is close enough, just roll 'em on in. Otherwise load them in the truck, van or the trunk of your car.
Call ahead to the doctor's office to get help unloading.
9. Roll 'em right in to the examining room. Do NOT release them or you'll end up walking home when they escape and take the car and leave you there.
10. Roll 'em home. I'd be tempted to leave them taped to the handtruck, until they took all the medicine the Dr. prescribed but that's up to you because then you have to hose them down occassionally and that leaves water all over the kitchen floor.

Be prepared for several weeks of frosty silence and no sex.
Which is not as bad as it sounds actually.

1 comment:

Kat Simpson said...

Can I borrow your handtruck? I think it might make church attendance easier also. Signed anonymous