Saturday, December 19, 2009

Let it snow,let it snow let it snow! Wow, it's coming down out there fast and furious. I live in East Liverpool Ohio, & it's pretty much a white wonderland. Jimmy had to take the truck to work, so he's stressing. Van's broke down; same /same! It'll do him good to drive the truck; then maybe he'll fix it, too!

I have called and called people for help with the house situation, but NO ONE will return my calls! The Salvation Army; Community Action Agency; Catholic Charities; Fish; Ohio Dept. of Welfare... It's as if I do not exist. People I have known for years, friends I made online, even my family.

I realize it's the holidays, but I'm in dire straights here! Faulty electric, no gas; couldn't use the furnace even IF the gas was on.?! I sure would love to see any of these people have to deal with my life for one day. I wonder if they lived in fear, even overnight, like I have for a month, would they answer my calls, then?

We are using Kerosene heaters, which are making me ill. ( I have COPD). We have electric heaters, but what can we do if the electricity goes? Not to mention the fact you CAN NOT put an electric heater in the basement. How else am I to keep this woman's pipes from freezing?...The way the breaker box is, would YOU trust it? I think not!

Only one of my relatives has tried to help. She did exactly what I asked...leads. I truly appreciate it. BUT, that's one in how many? Well, my dad's mom had 14 kids! You figure I got a LOT of relatives, huh?

I am 50, Jimmy's 55. Our respective parents are gone. Half of his family are gone. I tried to contact the rest of mine for leads, and all I got was an email from one telling me they could not help because they where helping their kids & 13 grandchildren! ALL I WANTED was 10 minutes of their time. Talk to some friends, a few acquaintances, and ask if anyone knew of a safe place we could rent; a room? An efficiency apartment; an old trailer?

BUT, like everyone else, these people who are supposed to love me, seems to have deserted me. Like I said, only two answered my call for help. If any of these folks would of asked me for help, I would of stepped up to the plate for them. Even now, if someone I knew needed a warm spot, I would help them as best I could.

So, I sit here, old, worn out, all but forgotten, and I wonder, is this why so many people kill themselves? I know it's a sin, and I would not do it in my right mind, but I'm quickly loosing my mind! I'm scared; I'm scared of failing Jimmy, myself & my kids/grand. Depression is hard enough to deal with in a normal environment, but now? I'm alone, so very alone...BUT, I do have Jimmy & Jae, & would not hurt them for the world.

As far as I'm concerned, I'm just a burden to everyone around me. Jimmy, my kids, my so called family & friends. I can not seem to hold down a job to save me. I have nothing but old junk that when my back's turned my kids & even Jimmy throws away. I try really hard to sell online, but it seems I'm held back there, too.

It does no good to go to the hospital. I have no insurance. I have no money. Believe me, there is a BIG difference in how you are treated when you can pay. Been there. Around here you need money even to go to a health clinic.

They say God does everything for a reason, that we need to be patient. Give our troubles to him and forget them. But how? How do I just forget the electric might go and not come back on? How do I forget the terror of the fire where I lost so much? How do I put this in his hands and forget it's cold here? How do I forget I can't use the stove and lights at the same time? Can anyone tell me how? I have even called/emailed churches for answer, not even a sorry no funds;info?!

One of my friends wants me to stay in this house and fight my LL. Well, I'm fighting, but I sure as hell would like to do it from some place SAFE! She will fix this house. BUT, I have to move for any work to BE done; and so far there is no place to go.

I love my friends, but where are they? Where's all the people I have helped through the years? I took in strays; baby sat for days on end; helped raise a bunch of kids; I fed armies of people; I've listened and been so many peoples free, where is my turn? Guess I don't get one?

So, that's my day, how's yours?!


Beth Cherkowsky said...

Marshell- no one is ignoring you, we just aren't close enough to help - Stop with the pity party Girl, did you check I'm not from Ohio so I don't know if the places listed there are close enough for you or now but there were 3 at $350.


Shell Russell said...

Yes, I did. I could send you a list of all the places I have called & e-mailed.
I'm honestly sorry if you think I'm just on a pity party. I'm just telling the truth. I'm angry (at the so called help places); I'm hurt by my family, & I feel deserted by quite a few of my online friends.
Not you; but some others.I'm sorry if that's wrong.

mymomsbooks said...

It's a new year and wishing you the best! I know you are venting and sometimes we need too. Your a tough girl and life will work out.

Sushiboofay said...

Marshell, I just saw your post. So sorry if you felt like you were being ignored. I confess to not keeping up with everyone's blogs in the last few months - hate that you have had so much troulbe.

Wish I could help - but money is so tight here - the pennies are screaming from being pinched so hard!

Hang in there - 2009 is gone and I really feel 2010 is going to be better!